Into The Sea.

new space.

This is most likely where I will be writing from now on.

http://thisisbrooklyn.wordpress.com/

Rejoice, rejoice Emmanuel.

It sends chills down my spine.

The word so beautiful…

yet rarely spoken.

But when the snowflakes fall and the trees light up, the word seldom whispered returns to our cold lips.

The word is not merely a word…but a name.

Emmanuel.

God with us.

I write this with a broken heart. I have chosen far too long to reject His power. Ignored His beauty. Even His name is so beautiful. I have not cared for a very long time. My selfishness has taken over. I have blended in with the world. Turned my back on the position of ambassador of Christ Jesus. 

I do not want to live like this anymore.  His name requires an urgent response.

This life is all I have. And I was bought for a price…I am owned by a Creator.

He is beautiful, merciful. Yet, He is also to be feared.

My life is not my own…and until I realize that with every breath I take…I will never be who I was always meant to be.

This is my heart in its current state. 

Hotel Rwanda

Okay…so I know I’m late on watching this movie (like several years late), but it is hitting me in a very intense way. A way I’m not used to. Maybe it’s because I am sitting in a 3rd world country right now. The scenery in the movie is similar. The faces are similar. Faces of people that have endured far more evil than any of us could ever imagine…. Least to say, my heart aches. The reality that we live in a violent and corrupt world is overwhelming me right now.

This is why we are told…

To act justly. To love mercy. To walk humbly with our God. (Micah 6:8)

It’s quite strange the times and the ways that the Lord chooses to speak to my heart.

Change of Heart.

Sometimes I contradict myself. I say things…I feel things…and then I notice how my heart decides to change her mind. Maybe it’s just because I’m a wishy-washy female who can’t make up her mind. Maybe it’s because my brain is fried from the scorching heat of Haiti. Maybe it’s just Mother Nature talking (you know what I mean). In all seriousness, the answer to my change of heart lies in the majesty of the stars above my eyes, the strength of the earth beneath my worn out chacos, and the wisdom found in the mountains. It is the a cappela song that streams in through each ray of sunlight, nobly breaking through the clouds, bringing in each morning. It is the spirit that lives in my every breath, even the worn out ones. I have chosen to forget that the Lord knows me better than I know myself.

I’ll let you in on what all of this means to me. I’ve been struggling. My time in Haiti has been great. I’m learning a lot about leadership and about myself, but I guess you could say that I’ve felt that something is missing. This summer, I haven’t really seen myself producing fruit. Passion for a particular ministry is something I’m having a hard time finding. You know when you just feel like you belong somewhere? It just clicks. It seems right. I’ve been feeling like the only reason I’m in Haiti is because of obedience. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to under mind the importance of obedience by any means. But my heart hasn’t been torn up and moved into action by the poverty and brokenness of Haiti. I’ve moving because of obedience, not because my heart was breaking for the things that break God’s heart. You see, the things that I see every day over here are things that can bring people to tears in an instant…and I have no tears.

In my head, I wasn’t even sure that I even wanted to return back to Haiti.

The same day those thoughts became verbalized, my heart was transformed.

After watching a movie with the interns in the staff lounge, I walked outside to hear the sound of squealing and giggling. I looked over the railing and my heart melted. All of the Miriam center children were running and spinning around the courtyard playing and singing. The Miriam center is for the special needs children, who I feel like are often times forgotten about. When I ran down the stairs and saw Markenly (the greatest boy in the world), a smile consumed my face. My heart raced as I experienced pure joy just from holding him in my arms.

Why would I ever take my health for granted?

His innocent smile captivated the deepest part of my heart as he ran across the courtyard, squealing like a little girl. There were children in wheel chairs playing soccer as my friends pushed them around on the gravel. They say laughter is the best medicine. I can agree with that.

Later that night, I sat with one of my Haitian friends, Eveline. She was teaching me creole. Well, mostly she was laughing at me. Languages aren’t exactly what I am gifted in. In the time I spent with her, I realized in that moment that I HAD to return to Haiti. I had one of those…movie flashback moments…picturing all of the smiling faces of my new (and old) friends that I’ve made here. I was captivated by their genuine love for life…their genuine love for the Lord. You don’t always find that in America. Most of us are on depression medication because we set ourselves up for disaster. Inconsistency seems to be the only stable thing in our lives. Most of us have never experienced pure joy, or the pure love of the Father…

and yet, we buy into the lie every day.

How could some of the happiest people I know…

Have suffered through child slavery and abuse?

Witchdoctors for parents…

Rape…

_____________________________________________________________________

The blind…

The deaf…

The lame…

The outcasts…

They know what the joy of the Lord is.

Last week, Jessica, Brittany, Anna and I started going to the brothel to minister to the women there.  We didn’t know what to expect. We just knew that we needed to be there. It has turned out to be one of the most amazing experiences I have ever been a part of. It’s crazy, because it has looked nothing like we thought it would.

Basically…

We mostly minister to men. There are usually one or two women that sit and talk to us…but mostly, it is the guys who are interested.

There are all kinds of guys that hang out at the brothel…and their hearts are so hungry for the gospel. They are so eager for answers. They have so many questions about Jesus and what it means to follow him…and we get to be a part of answering those questions. These guys have become friends of ours.

On last Thursday, we met a man named, Melise. He shared his testimony with us and told us that he has wanted to accept Christ into his heart for quite some time now. We talked to him for a long time about what that meant and asked him some questions. He was so open and you could see that he really meant all of it. We prayed with him and then the thought popped into my mind…

“Let’s baptize this guy.”

So we did…

Jessica took him into the ocean with our translator…and He was born again.

It was the most amazing thing I’ve seen this summer. I was jumping up and down with excitement. I was seeing the tangible fruit from the Lord change this man’s life.

_____________________________________________________________________

Although I do not know if Haiti is the place where I’m called to…

I know that I want to return one day.

I do not know when…

but it will be different than any other time.

It will be wonderful.

Playing guitar for the Granmoun.

In Chansolme. We hiked up the aquaduct…jumping in the water felt sooo good!

This picture cracks me up…Mackinson is in the background. Thuggin’.

Standing at the top of the hill in Ansefolour where the voodoo monument is.

(These photos are from Jessica’s camera— Thanks friend!)

From Island to Desert.

Okay..so it’s been a while. These past couple of weeks have flown by. I was assigned to a new group, First Christian Church of Evansville, along with Jessica, Hickory, and Emily. Jessica and I had two friends from school (okay…one of the friends is actually Jessica’s “boo” so she was extremely happy) that were in this group, so that was a lot of fun to see them. Their plan was to travel to Tortuga Island to stay for four days and do Neighbors Project work and VBS activities for the kiddos…so that is exactly what we did.

Tortuga Island was a nice experience. The crazy part is…we fit like 40 something people along with 40 something mattresses (and lets not forget luggage)…on a tiny sailboat. We were so crammed that my feet were asleep within the first 10 minutes of the ride…and I had about an hour and twenty minutes to go. I got a little seasick on that ride too…so I wasn’t feeling too well for most of the day. Sailing can really wipe you out. 

Throughout those next four days I saw 9 baptisms…a Haitian wedding…ate the best fried plantains I’ve ever had…played guitar for a revival at the church in Tortuga…played guitar for the sunday morning service…and danced to Justin Bieber with some Haitian boys. When you’ve ran out of things to say, for example, “bonswa”, “como ou rele?”, “como ou ye?”, “kilaj ou?”…all there’s really left to do is sing and dance to JB…I’m being serious. 

Oh, something extremely traumatic happened to me on the second night. I slept in a tent, so one night I was about to fall asleep and I happened to open my eyes for a second and I saw a shadow of a spider the size of the palm of my hand right in front of my face. I kept my calm while I searched for my flashlight to make sure it wasn’t on the inside of my tent. As soon as I flashed the flashlight, I realized that it WAS on the inside of my tent, and it was no further than a couple inches away from my nose. I jumped out of my tent like a little baby and grabbed the boys to come help me. They killed it…and then I went back to sleep. 

Fini.

There was one little girl who I will NEVER forget on Tortuga. She was the cutest little girl that I’ve ever seen. Not just because of her big brown eyes and her sweet little dimples…but because she was the giggliest (is that even a word?) kid I have ever met! Everytime I would ask her, her name, she would just start giggling and bouncing in my arms. She laughed at everything! She was always happy. She was always laughing and smiling. I wished I could just take her home with me!

This is her! Her sister finally told me that her name is, Melinda. Isn’t she adorable?

Okay…so Sunday we sailed back to St. Louis. That day we rested, and Monday we went out to La Baie des Mosquitos. Our source of travel was nothing short of hilarious…and highly uncomfortable. We piled 30 something people along with mattresses and luggage on the back of a flatbed truck. I ended up getting a corner seat… I felt like I was drowning in a sea of sweaty legs and fluffy pillows. I kept trying to raise my head up as high as possible every once in a while to try to get a gulp of fresh air. Eventually, my brain decided to actually work, and I stood up,grabbed the walls of the truck (don’t worry mom, it was a lot safer than it sounds) and let the wind blow in my face. That was nice…until rocks and dirt flew in my eyes. Still…I sacrificed the sense of sight just to stretch out my cramped legs…it was so worth it.  Oh, you gotta love Haiti.

La Baie is a really laid back beach town. It’s a beautiful place…you have desert land, beautiful mountains, and the ocean all in the same setting. We stayed the night at La Baie and headed back Tuesday afternoon. While we were there, a VBS was done, and we got to play with the orphans at the orphanage. Tuesday morning we went swimming in the carribean and I got ate two Sa pi bons (which are basically popsicles) which are the best things ever…especially out in the desert.

Also…side note….I’ve been looking for a hammock for a while now, and I finally found one. There is a fisherman in La Baie who makes hammocks and sells them…so I bought one…and I’ve been sleeping in it for the past several days. It’s really nice.

My back totally hurts, but it’s so awesome. I love it.

Wednesday we went to Ansefelour again. The kids threw rocks at us as we left. I could say somethings about that…but it’s probably not a good idea.

The groups left on Wednesday night…and I slept in my Hammock.

Thursday - Saturday - Free days. No groups here!

It’s currently Friday and guess what?  I’m sick. The interns went to Port de Paix today to get ice cream and american food snacks. I was looking forward to getting ice cream for like a week…and then I woke up this morning and I puked. A couple times. So  I didn’t end up going…it’s kind of a bummer…but I’ll get ice cream soon enough…and it will be a glorious day.

I don’t feel as sick as I did this morning…but I still feel a little gross. I want Ramen noodle soup…and my family.

I feel good about being here though. It’s going by so fast…and it is making me appreciate the blessings I have at home so much more. 

The new groups come in Sunday. I’ll be out for about four or five days again this next week.

I think we’re going to play a game of Sardines tonight on campus…hopefully I feel better by then. We’re also going to watch Tangled…so that makes me happy.

Okay…this blog post is starting to get random and pointless…and I think I need to run to the bathroom…so…until next time everyone!

I’m Running to Your Arms

It’s funny how the Lord comforts me when I need it the most. Thursday I was blessed by a wonderful and much needed conversation with Heather Owen, a staff member here at NWHCM. She has such a sweet spirit and I could tell that she really cared whenever she was talking to me. The conversation I had with her was exactly what I needed in the midst of a hard time. The Lord not only blessed me with my conversation with Heather, but once again, he blessed me by Common Ground.  Thursday was the last day that I got to spend with the folks from Common Ground… and it wasn’t easy thinking about saying goodbye to them. Out of nowhere, the girls blindfolded Jessica and I and told us they had a surprise for us. We ended up back in the dorms and they surprised us with little gifts to help us “survive” the rest of the summer. They also wrote us letters of encouragement.  It seriously meant the world to me. That night Jessica and I talked about how crazy it is that the Lord always comforts us when we need it the most. Common Ground left that next morning…and well…my heart kind of broke a little. Even though I’m sad that they’re not around, I’m so excited that I got to meet them and that now they’re a part of my life.

Friday morning Jessica and I hopped on a tap tap and drove out to my old stomping grounds, Chansolme. It was so wonderful getting to see the kids again. There is a girl in that village named, Nancy. She is and always has been so special to my heart. I mean…I love her so much, that If I could adopt her, I would in a heartbeat. I also got to hang out with this boy named, Windy. Windy is deaf and has a limp arm. I looked at his arm and he has burns all over it…

My heart broke because we had such a communication barrier.  I wanted to know his story so badly…but I couldn’t. All I could do was love him. Something that drew me to Windy was the fact that my brother met him before I did. Jacob loves Windy…I can see it whenever he talks about him. It’s an amazing experience to travel to a third world country, find the same kid that my brother loves, and love him as well.

We were in Chansolme for three days. There is just something so remarkably different about that place. It’s like…as soon as Jessica and I arrived on the tap tap…hundreds of kids swarmed us and started grabbing our bags. Now, if someone had never been to Chansolme, they might’ve thought…”Oh my gosh, these kids are stealing my bags.” But the hearts of these kids are beautiful. They grabbed our bags and brought them inside of the building we were staying at. Their arms were outstretched to help us get off the truck. If they saw a mud puddle, they would redirect your path so you wouldn’t have to walk through it…even if it meant that they had to walk through the mud. It’s like that every time I’ve been there. These kids are the most selfless children that I’ve ever met. That place is so unbelievably special to my heart.

Now I’m back at the mission. I don’t have a whole lot to say besides that today has been a good day. I wish I could’ve given my father a hug for Father’s day, though.

My friend, Dale Thixton, is on my heart tonight. I’m praying for him a lot. The internet is so limited here that it’s hard for me to hear about how he is doing…but I am a believer in prayer. I believe that it is powerful…and it’s something that I can do. Dale is in my prayers.

Everyone around me is getting sick. It’s crazy…a lot of the interns are dropping like flies. I just keep praying that I don’t get sick. My immune system has been pretty awesome so far…but I probably just jinxed myself in writing that..so…pray for me. Being sick in Haiti is one of the worst feelings ever. My first trip to Haiti I was completely out for a couple days and I remember just how miserable I was. It’s in times like that where you just need your mom beside you and some chicken noodle soup..

so I feel really bad for the people that aren’t feeling well. Everyone seems to be getting taken care of though. 

Last night, Brent played the song “Forever Reign” at one of the sessions for the Restore Retreat. I forgot just how sweet the words are. I felt a gentle peace sweep over me as I sang the words to my God. It just seemed to resonate with everything that I’ve been experiencing. I serve a God that is so good, that He loves me…even when there is nothing good in me.

The words go on to say this…

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign